God’s love is abundant for every creature. Love Quotes. Now quiet! Part of my act is meant to shake you up. I should have asked for a jury.”, “If you find it hard to laugh at yourself, I would be happy to do it for you.”, “Marriage is the chief cause of divorce.”, “A judge is a law student who marks his own examination papers.”, “The two most common elements in the universe are hydrogen and stupidity.”, “It’s only when you look at an ant through a magnifying glass on a sunny day that you realize how often they burst into flames.”, “It’s a recession when your neighbor loses his job; it’s a depression when you lose yours.”, “Before marriage, a man declares that he would lay down his life to serve you; after marriage, he won’t even lay down his newspaper to talk to you.”, “Life begins at 40 – but so do fallen arches, rheumatism, faulty eyesight, and the tendency to tell a story to the same person, three or four times.”, “I’ve got all the money I’ll ever need, if I die by four o’clock.”, “If you’re going to do something tonight that you’ll be sorry for tomorrow morning, sleep late.”, “If I want to knock a story off the front page, I just change my hairstyle.”, “You tried your best and you failed miserably. — Rudyard Kipling, "When life gives you lemons, squirt someone in the eye." Discover and share Feeling Funny Quotes. There’s no point in being a damn fool about it.”, “We are all here on earth to help others. — Unknown, "Whenever you're feeling down, just remember you've won as many Oscars as Leonardo Dicaprio." Another word for funny feeling. — Unknown, "Life is short smile while you still have teeth." Funny Quotes. She’s ninety-seven now, and we don’t know where the hell she is.”, “A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.”, “How many people here have telekenetic powers? Thanks! — Unknown, "If you aren't in over your head, how do you know how tall you are?" See more ideas about funny pictures, funny, funny quotes. He’s a mile away and you’ve got his shoes! Really it was too funny quotes for make me laugh. Don't just think, ponder. “People say nothing is impossible, but I do nothing every day.”. Then quit. Enjoy these funny quotes, a laugh and share with a friend. Funny Inspirational Quotes Inspiring Quotes About Life Great Quotes Funny Quotes Super Quotes Inspirational Thoughts Funny Humor Good Sayings About Life True Quotes About Life. Take a look at these 40 funny quotes about life to give you a little reprieve from the things that bring you down so you can learn to smile a little bit more each day. “You know it’s love when all you want is that person to be happy, even if you’re not part of their happiness.” — Julia Roberts. “When people ask me stupid questions, it is my legal obligation to give a Life Funny Life Is Hard. We have the ability to overcome our bad moods. So to keep you healthy and happy literally, enjoy these 300 funny quotes…. Then he’s finished.”, 101 Inspirational Words of Encouragement to Lift You Up, 35 Inspirational Songs With Lyrics To Motivate And Inspire You, 25 Creative And Surprising Things To Do When You Feel Lonely, 160 Leadership Quotes from Inspiring Leaders, 99 Funny Christmas Quotes To Keep You Laughing Until The New Year, 131 Gratitude Quotes to Make You Feel Grateful, 107 Thanksgiving Quotes to Make You Feel Thankful, 101 Quotes About Smiling To Boost Your Mood, 300 Funny Quotes To Make You Laugh Out Loud. and costless but quality shoes cows and goats put on throughout life. You're basically a houseplant with more complicated emotions." — Unknown, "If you don't like where you are, move. Where everybody is happy and nobody's hair fizzes in the wind. And sometimes you go out shopping and there’s nothing you like. Naked people have little or no influence on society.”, “I am an old man and have known a great many troubles, but most of them never happened.”, “I would have written a shorter letter, but I did not have the time.”, “Never put off till tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow.”, “The only way to keep your health is to eat what you don’t want, drink what you don’t like, and do what you’d rather not.”, “When we remember we are all mad, the mysteries disappear and life stands explained.”, “Worrying is like paying a debt you don’t owe.”, “Do not make the mistake of treating your dogs like humans or they will treat you like dogs.”, “Son, if you really want something in this life, you have to work for it. Gray hair is God’s graffiti. Don’t feel like you’re alone. What on earth the others are here for I don’t know.”, “A great pleasure in life is doing what people say you cannot do.”, “My doctor gave me six months to live, but when I couldn’t pay the bill he gave me six months more.”, “Give me a woman who loves beer and I will conquer the world.”, “Half our life is spent trying to find something to do with the time we have rushed through life trying to save.”, “The road to success is dotted with many tempting parking spaces.”, “When I die, I want to die like my grandfather who died peacefully in his sleep. “[He] may talk like an idiot, and look like an idiot, but don’t let that fool you: he really is an idiot.” ~ Groucho Marx. — Unknown, "When life knocks me down, I just get back up and say is that all you got." 62. In order to get inspired and hold on to those feelings, knowing the path is important. Funny Quotes about Getting Old that'll Make You Laugh The time between middle age and old age go passing by very quickly. — Unknown, "Never look backwards or you'll fall down the stairs." Thanks for all those hilarious quotes. Children are a great comfort in your old age, and they help you reach it faster, too. — Unknown — Unknown, "When sh!t happens turn it into fertilizer." 29. Where it doesn't rain, your shoes stay comfortable all day, and everybody's jokes are funny.” ― Randa Abdel-Fattah, Does My Head Look Big in This? I had just broken up with my boyfriend of almost two years, and life overall just seemed to be taunting me at every turn. They are called: Saturday and Sunday." —T.S. We’re only one God away from total agreement.”, “My theory is that all of Scottish cuisine is based on a dare.”, “Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.”, “A committee is a group that keeps minutes and loses hours.”, “If evolution really works, how come mothers only have two hands?”, “My doctor told me that jogging could add years to my life. — Unknown, "Never let anyone treat you like regular glue. You are what you eat.”, “The simple act of opening a bottle of wine has brought more happiness to the human race than all the collective governments in the history of earth.”, “Americans are incredibly inpatient. We all have those moments when we’re feeling down. The almost-never-happeneds. I think he was right. Don't just change, transform. Feeling unwell? — Catny Guisewite, "People who wonder whether the glass is half empty or half full are missing the point. '”, “My grandfather once told me that there were two kinds of people: those who do the work and those who take the credit. It looks like I'm being funny, but I'm reminding you of other things. — Josh Billings, "Well apparently Rock Bottom has a basement." I just want to say to the authors of that study: ‘Duh. It is one of the most difficult and precious times of the life. It's Hard To Know What Will Make You Feel Better When You're Sad And Depressed, But These Funny Quotes Could Help Lighten The Mood. Smile because it happened.”, “I was born to make mistakes, not to fake perfection.”, “An alcoholic is someone you don’t like who drinks as much as you do.”, “Analyzing humor is like dissecting a frog. You will never get out of it alive.”, “A woman is like a tea bag – you can’t tell how strong she is until you put her in hot water.”, “My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was sixty. Explore our collection of motivational and famous quotes by authors you know and love. Here are 26 feel good quotes to help you during these down times. And then, as luck would have it, the next week you find two that are perfect, but you don’t have the money to buy both.”, “According to a new survey, 90% of men say their lover is also their best friend. Funny quotes and silly memes can be a relief when life starts to bring you down. Some fit better than others. Funny Quotes To Live By When You're Feeling Down In The Dumps 1. These quotes don’t always have to be serious, structured or inspirational. Someone once said that the shortest period of time in America is the time between when the light turns green and when you hear the first horn honk.”, “Age is just a number. I soon realized that journaling instantly made me feel better. Then I want to move in with them.”, “We spend the first twelve months of our children’s lives teaching them to walk and talk and the next twelve telling them to sit down and shut up.”, “When a man opens a car door for his wife, it’s either a new car or a new wife.”, “Life is a sexually transmitted disease.”, “I dream of a better tomorrow, where chickens can cross the road and not be questioned about their motives.”, “Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing.”, “The less Holy Spirit we have, the more cake and coffee we need to keep the church going.”, “If you lived with a roommate as unstable as this economic system, you would’ve moved out or demanded that your roommate get professional help.”, “When you’re in love it’s the most glorious two and a half days of your life.”, “Lead me not into temptation; I can find the way myself.”, “I love being married. But lets be honest they trash the house, drink all the milk in the place, cry the place down all night and anyway…they smell ! I want to achieve it through not dying.”, “I’m such a good lover because I practice a lot on my own.”, “Marriage is like mushrooms: we notice too late if they are good or bad.”, “Everybody laughs the same in every language because laughter is a universal connection.”, “Always go to other people’s funerals, otherwise they won’t come to yours.”, “If you come to a fork in the road, take it.”, “You’ve got to be very careful if you don’t know where you are going, because you might not get there.”, “People often say that motivation doesn’t last. Explore Gut Feeling Quotes by authors including LeBron James, Toto Wolff, and Richard Branson at BrainyQuote. It was a birthday gift I had received from my mom years before. “People say nothing is impossible, but I do nothing every day.”, “Better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak out and remove all doubt.”, “The best thing about the future is that it comes one day at a time.”, “The only mystery in life is why the kamikaze pilots wore helmets.”, “Light travels faster than sound. Not only does laughter reduce stress, it lowers your blood pressure, gives you an excellent ab workout, and releases endorphins. For this reason, we created the following collection of magnificently funny quotes about life. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.”, “Nobody realizes that some people expend tremendous energy merely to be normal.”, “Men marry women with the hope they will never change. Funny Quotes. Funny Inspirational Quotes to Pep You Up When You’re Feeling Blue. — Unknown, "I'm not weird I am limited edition." Stick to a thing till you get there." RELATED: 25 Funny Inspirational Quotes To Start Your Day Off Right. It feels good while you're in it, but the longer you stay, the more wrinkled you get." — Unknown, "Be like a postage stamp. Quotes tagged as "feeling" Showing 1-30 of 836 “Don't Just Don't just learn, experience. Mark Twain. Instantly.”, “A failure is like fertilizer; it stinks to be sure, but it makes things grow faster in the future.”, “Biologically speaking, if something bites you it’s more likely to be female.”, “As long as people will accept crap, it will be financially profitable to dispense it.”, “A pessimist is a person who has had to listen to too many optimists.”, “The cure for boredom is curiosity. — Unknown, "Do not take life too seriously. Enjoy! If merely 'feeling good' could decide, drunkenness would be the supremely valid human experience. Some made me laugh till tears ran—which then made me wonder if they were jokes? – Lionel Kauffman. Life is always going to have its ups and downs, but we must choose to rise above any obstacles we encounter. “We try so hard to hide everything we're really feeling from those who probably need to know our true feelings the most. Below you will find our collection of inspirational, wise, and humorous old feeling good quotes, feeling good sayings, and feeling good proverbs, collected over the years from a variety of sources. You might even find the quote that motivates the best parts of your life (and love!) It’s so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.”, “When I eventually met Mr. When God talks to us, we’re schizophrenic.”, “Men are like shoes. It burns a lot of calories.”, “Avoid fruits and nuts. — Erbert Hubbard, "Why be moody when you can shake yo booty?" Do they get smart just in time to ask questions?”, “I live by my own rules (reviewed, revised, and approved by my wife).. but still my own.”, “The trouble with telling a good story is that it invariably reminds the other fellow of a dull one.”, “Children today are tyrants. This cup is expensive! After that who cares?… He’s a mile away and you’ve got his shoes!”, “I’ve always wanted to go to Switzerland to see what the army does with those wee red knives.”, “Going to church doesn’t make you a Christian any more than going to a garage makes you an automobile.”, “A bank is a place that will lend you money if you can prove that you don’t need it.”, “Inside me there’s a thin person struggling to get out, but I can usually sedate him with four or five cupcakes.”, “We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.”, “As a child my family’s menu consisted of two choices: take it or leave it.”, “My favorite machine at the gym is the vending machine.”, “All right everyone, line up alphabetically according to your height.”, “He who laughs last didn’t get the joke.”, “I always arrive late at the office, but I make up for it by leaving early.”, “Don’t worry about the world coming to an end today. 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